i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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