you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
