How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
