Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
