Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
