First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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