I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
