He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
