he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
