I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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