i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
