how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
