I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize