Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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