I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize