This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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