im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The best revenge is premature balding
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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