Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
