Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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