I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
