Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
