direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize