Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
