i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I have post one night stand depression
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