he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
