After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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