Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
