Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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