My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
