he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
