I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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