never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
