barbara walters just said penis...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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