i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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