the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
