my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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