You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
