Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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