Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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