At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
