Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
