hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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