Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
