I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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