He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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