Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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