u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
