she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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