every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize