It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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