arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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