i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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