Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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