The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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