I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
