U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
