he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
