After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
