Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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