actually, I'm a sock model
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize