I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
