Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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