in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
