I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
