I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
