i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just google imaged poop.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize